I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
we're so committed to being not committed
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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