And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
