Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
