I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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