ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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