hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
