Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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