you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
