When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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