new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
