Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
