I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
