made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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