I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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