Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
