My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
