Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
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