it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
