So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
