just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
