We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
