she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
