every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
