Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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