By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
