You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
