I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
