well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I wish I only lived at night.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
