So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
