my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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