I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize