You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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