i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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