Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
