hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
