Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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