You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize