I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
