everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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