Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
