I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
