I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
