So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
