Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
