Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
