i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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