I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
