Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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