dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
