ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
