I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
