I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
