I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize