The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
