I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize