i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
