one word: firstdatebathroomanal
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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