Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize