made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
