I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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