What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
