woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
