I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
