Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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