I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
